BAKA.MSG

Dialogue for Baka, leader of the Fools at Scrapheap {{Transcript|text= {100}{}{You see Baka.} {101}{}{You see a woman.} {102}{}{Crypts should not be here, should they boys? [The other Fools shake their heads.] I think you should leave.} {103}{}{I made a mistake joining the Crypts. I want to be on your side.} {104}{}{I came with a message from Phrax.} {105}{}{I will, thanks.} {106}{}{Then we should wear the coat of a betrayer? One who would deliver their own? No dog is as low as you.} {174}{}{And no, you shall not wear the mantle of a Fool. You will wear the mantle of a traitor, and my garrot will be its mate.} {107}{}{I feel as if your coat may turn again, but your words sway me.} {173}{}{You shall be as if a Fool, but listen well and mark these words of mine: if you betray us as you would your former mates, then you shall die - with a grimace, not a laugh.} {108}{}{Phrax is not brave enough to speak this message with his own voice? He is no man, of that I know. And he sends this boy to say his words. Well, then, say them and be done.} {109}{}{Die.} {110}{}{He said to leave town and you won't be killed.} {111}{}{He said have a nice day.} {112}{}{Hahaha! I like a man with a sense of humor. You can live. Sorry, just joking.} {113}{}{I don't think you fully understand the ramifications of what you just said. I hope you learn them before your bones dry in the desert sun. Unfortunately, I don't think you have very long.} {114}{}{What have we here? We heard that someone new was in town. This must be you, everyone else looks oh so familiar. Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Baka, Queen of the Fools.} {115}{}{Why do you call yourselves the Fools?} {116}{}{I hear that the Crypts and you are having some difficulties.} {117}{}{You look like a fool to me.} {118}{}{After the War, only the Foolish remain. If I was brave enough, I would have taken my own life years ago. Instead, I pander to whatever gods of chance are left.} {172}{}{Gods of fortune, gods of fate. I care not as long as I get the last laugh. We can't join death so we laugh at it.} {119}{}{Understandable. I sort of agree with it. Can I join?} {120}{}{We could use another hand. Let me think about this. [She puts her hand to her chin, and parades around the room dramatically.]} {175}{}{Yes, you can be the next jester in the Fool's court. Welcome to the Fools. Betray us and die.} {121}{}{Be careful with the words you choose. Not all are as forgiving as I am. I play the part, or the part plays me, but there is always room for another corpse to liven the drama.} {122}{}{I wasn't sure, was that a threat?} {123}{}{I'll try and behave.} {124}{}{It was, now it is among the last words you will ever hear.} {125}{}{Good, see that you do.} {126}{}{What do you want now?} {127}{}{I want to join your gang.} {128}{}{Why do you want the Power Generator?} {129}{}{I don't know if I should trust you. Prove your worth.} {130}{}{This chicken walks into a bar. . .} {131}{}{I'm the best fighter around.} {132}{}{You could use a good man around here.} {133}{}{[Minutes pass as you finish your joke. With a nervous smile, you meet her eyes. She laughs.] I like you. You have proven you understand the Joke. You are now a Fool. Betray us and die.} {134}{}{We'll see about that.} {135}{}{Skippy? Your turn.} {136}{}{There is only one thing that separates Scrapheap from the wasteland: the stench of Brahmin dung. But without that dung, there would be no power generator. {176}{}{And without that power generator, there is no reason to be in this dunghole. The generator provides light, warmth and even some hair-raising experiences.} {137}{}{Why don't you control it?} {138}{}{Thanks!} {139}{}{Because the Crypts do! They outnumber us for the moment, but if you were to join with us, we could take them.} {140}{}{Sure. I'll join.} {141}{}{No, thanks.} {142}{}{You are a Fool. Did you think I would let you join that easy?} {143}{}{Yes.} {144}{}{Uh, no!} {145}{}{Oh, ok. You're in. You are now a Fool. Betray us and die. Yadda-yadda-yadda.} {146}{}{You lie!} {147}{}{Well, how does it feel to be a Fool?} {148}{}{I like it.} {149}{}{Great! What do I do now?} {150}{}{How can I get some of that cool armor?} {151}{}{You'd better. Not many can delve the humorous depths of full Fooldom.} {152}{}{Uh, yes. Thanks. Uh, what next?} {153}{}{Hmm, yes. Good question. Well, I suppose we should plan our attack on the Crypts. We have to gain control of that power generator, or all is lost.} {154}{}{What do you want me to do?} {155}{}{Well, since you are the newest member of the Fools, and therefore the most expendable, I want you to scout the enemy and report.} {177}{}{Go gather some intelligence or something, and bring back news of the enemy. [She waves her hand in a dismissive gesture.]} {156}{}{Ok.} {157}{}{Well, should we attack?} {158}{}{Yes!} {159}{}{No!} {160}{}{Then why do you bother me? Do your job and report back as soon as possible!} {161}{}{Excellent! Fools! We go to battle!} {162}{}{You are a Fool on double-secret probation. You don't get Fool armor until you pass probation.} {163}{}{[done]} {164}{}{[more]} {165}{}{The Crypts shall be buried once more!} {166}{}{Perish scum!} {167}{}{Who said you could come out of your graves? Return!} {168}{}{Uh, nothing.} {169}{}{You lie! Go to your work before I open a can of whup-ass on you!} {170}{}{I don't think I'm ready.} {171}{}{Uh, yeah. Good bye.} {172}{}{Only the Foolish remain! Now I, Queen Baka, rule the Scrapheap.} }}