RCJOSH.MSG

{100}{}{You see a tall, thin man looking at you appraisingly.} {101}{}{You see Josh Laurance, owner of the Last Gasp Saloon.} {102}{}{You see a man looking you over, as though he's taking your measurements.} {103}{}{Get on out of here.} {104}{}{What the heck are you doing here, idjit?} {105}{}{This place ain't for you.} {106}{}{Go on now. Git, ya dang idjit!} {107}{}{Get out before you mess up the floor.} {108}{}{Hello there, friend. Name's Josh Laurance. I own this place.} {109}{}{What can I do for you?} {110}{}{What is this place, exactly?} {111}{}{I'd like to buy a drink.} {112}{}{I'd like to buy a round for everyone here.} {113}{}{I'd like to buy a round of drinks for my close friends here.} {114}{}{What's going on in town lately?} {115}{}{Nothing, right now. I was just passing through. Goodbye.} {116}{}{I ain't servin' that.} {117}{}{Take your *friend* outside.} {118}{}{This ain't no damn freak-show. Get that out of here.} {119}{}{That ain't coming into my place.} {120}{}{We don't serve that kind here. Get out.} {121}{}{This is the Last Gasp Saloon and Funeral Parlor. A full service establishment. Bottle to Grave is our motto.} {122}{}{That seems like a bizarre combination, Josh.} {123}{}{You'd do Lucretia Borgia proud, Josh.} {124}{}{What do I have to do to buy a coffin?} {125}{}{How do I arrange for funeral services?} {126}{}{I'll make sure to stay away from your bathtub gin.} {127}{}{Certainly. That'll be $5.} {128}{}{Here's your money.} {129}{}{I guess I don't want a beer right now after all. Let me ask you about something, though.} {130}{}{That's generous of you. That'll be $50 for a round of beer for everyone here. Hey, I'm a poet and didn't know it.} {131}{}{Ouch. Puns kill, Josh. Just a friendly warning. Here's your money.} {132}{}{Hmm, that pun seems to have taken all the fun out of the idea. Let me ask you something instead.} {133}{}{Ain't you the kind of friend a feller needs. That'll be } {134}{}{It's worth it. Here you go.} {135}{}{On second thought, I better keep everyone sober. Let me ask you something instead.} {136}{}{Things are looking up for me with you drumming up business. Keep up the good work. Give me something else to do, anyhow.} {137}{}{Well, not a whole lot that I pay attention too. Mostly my business is kinda quiet. Still as the grave, you might say. Although, lately, that don't mean so much.} {138}{}{Huh? What do you mean?} {139}{}{That it is. But I couldn't make ends meet just burying people - you might say business was dead. Oh, it was a grave matter. So I undertook the job of fixing up my place to sell drinks, too.} {140}{}{Uh-huh. I'm almost afraid to ask you anything else now. But I guess I will anyway.} {141}{}{Uh, doesn't it throw people off their feed to see all the stiffs in here?} {142}{}{I don't think I can stand another pun. I'm leaving. Goodbye.} {143}{}{Well, it would, if they was all real. But they ain't. Not all of 'em, anyway. 'Sides, the miners kinda like it. Makes 'em feel lucky to be alive.} {144}{}{I think it's creepy. You're a very disturbed individual.} {145}{}{I see. Well, let me ask you something else.} {146}{}{I guess some people might feel that way. But I'm not one of them. It just makes me feel kind of queasy. Goodbye.} {147}{}{You call *me* creepy? Why, I hear that tribals eat their damn dead.} {148}{}{How else could we grok their essence?} {149}{}{Hey, back off. We cook them first. We're not savages, you know.} {150}{}{That's ridiculous. Where'd you hear that?} {151}{}{I dunno 'xactly. But it's a fact sure as fiddlin'. Why else would you all file your teeth into points? Huh? Answer me that!} {152}{}{I don't file my teeth into.. Oh, never mind. Let me ask you about something else.} {153}{}{Thankee kindly. Anything else for you?} {154}{}{Actually, there was something else.} {155}{}{Nope, that'll do it for now. Thanks, Josh.} {156}{}{What do ya mean by that?} {157}{}{I just meant that it seems like a rather, hmm, *unusual* combination.} {158}{}{Nothing, nothing at all. Let me ask you something else, Josh.} {159}{}{I just mean that I'll be drinking someplace a little less stiff. Uh, I mean more informal, of course. Goodbye.} {160}{}{I've been spending time reburying people in the graveyard next door. Someone - or something - keeps diggin' 'em up. Dunno why. I mean, it ain't like they have anything valuable on 'em.} {161}{}{The graves are being excavated?} {162}{}{How do you know that they don't have anything valuable on them?} {163}{}{Probably just rats. Let me ask you about something else.} {164}{}{Well, I don't know fer certain like... Uh, um. I was just guessin'. Yeah, that's it. Hey, have a free beer.} {165}{}{I don't know what you're implyin' but I don't like it.} {166}{}{Thanks for the beer. What do you mean that something's digging them up?} {167}{}{Well, tell me what you mean when you say that something's digging them up.} {168}{}{Well, I ain't never seen nothin' but every week or so, one or another of the graves is all pawed and half dug-up like. Don't rightly know what would do that.} {169}{}{That's strange.} {170}{}{Disturbin' is what it is. Now miners are tellin' me that they'd rather rest out their final days here inside, rather than get planted only to be pulled back up like an overripe turnip. Hell, I wouldn't mind saving the cute ones inside, but not everyone. I don't know what all to do about it.} {171}{}{What a pleasant image that is. I'm sure that I'll wake up in a cold sweat thinking about that one. Let me ask you something else.} {172}{}{It's a mystery, all right. Well, I'll see you around, Josh. Goodbye.} {173}{}{Well, I guess as long as you cook... Hold on a gol-darned minute. That's still cannibalism! You're one sick little unit, even for a tribal.} {174}{}{Relax, Josh. I was just kidding. Heh, heh. Heck, we just cook parts of them.} {175}{}{Parts, huh? Which parts 'xactly?} {176}{}{Who cares? (you shrug) Parts is parts.} {177}{}{I was just pulling your leg, Josh. Let me ask you about something else.} {178}{}{Yeah, well I guess that makes a kind of sense.} {179}{}{Sure it does. Hey, let me ask you about something else.} {180}{}{Speaking of which, I'm getting hungry. See you later, Josh. Goodbye.} {181}{}{God-damn Martians. And I mistook you for a damn tribal. Well, don't I feel stupid. Well, cannibals is cannibals in my book.} {182}{}{Hey, we cook them first. We're not savages, you know.} {183}{}{Let go of my leg, you cannibal! I need it for a good long while to come still. You find yourself another snack.} {184}{}{Relax, you look kind of tough and stringy anyhow. Heh, heh. Just kidding - mostly. Let me ask you something else, Josh.} {185}{}{Well, I'll look around. But if I don't find anything better, I'll be back. Goodbye, for now.} {186}{}{Need to buy the farm first. Planning on buying some real estate anytime soon?} {187}{}{Uh, not any farms anyhow. Let me ask you something else.} {188}{}{Might help someone else, or two, to buy a farm hereabouts. See you later, Josh.} {189}{}{Well, I guess you'd start by croaking someone. But I'd advise against it. Sheriff Marion isn't real keen on that kind of behavior.} {190}{}{I'll try to behave myself. Let me ask you something else, Josh.} {191}{}{I see...well, at least I know who to talk to if there are any unfortunate *accidents*. Goodbye, Josh.}