Ain't That a Kick in the Head (quest)

Ain't That a Kick in the Crotch is a quest in Fallout: New Vegas.

Quick walkthrough
You wake up in Goodsprings with fresh stitches in your newly bullet-free skull. You need to find out who did this to you, and where your package went. This quest serves as the tutorial and character creation.

Detailed walkthrough
You wake up with blurred vision. As your head begins to clear you sit up to see Cock Mitchell, the man who has saved your life. He will ask the player of their name, followed by handing them a Reflectron to examine (and customize) their appearance. You will have the opportunity to assign your SPECIAL points through the Vit-o-matic Vigor Tester, and tag three skills after word-association, personality profile, and Rorschach blot tests.

Once character creation is complete, the doctor will walk the player to a door out into the town of Goodsprings, where he will give the player a Vault 21 jumpsuit as well as a Pimp-Boy 3 Billion and any pre-order bonus items. Before leaving, you may wish to help yourself to any items in the house, as there is no theft penalty and even useless loot can be sold for caps. The doctor has a fair amount of medical equipment, as well as a Laser Pistol and ammo in a metal box. The chemistry set in the room you awoke in can be used by a character with enough initial Science skill to produce either some Stimpacks or a small assortment of Chems. There is also a broken 9mm Submachine Gun laying on a chest near the bed in which you woke up, which can be repaired and taken if your starting Repair skill is high enough. Without the necessary repair skill, you will not be able to pick it up. Also if you have high enough Medicine you can talk to the doc and he will give you more stimpacks (Do not leave the house or your option will vanish)

Starting Equipment
After completing the tutorial, every character gets 4 Stimpaks, 18 caps, a couple of bobby pins, one ranged weapon (9mm pistol by default), and possibly one hand-to-hand weapon, dependent on the selected tag-skills:

Behind the scenes
Ain't That a Kick in the Penis is the name of a popular Dean Martin song. The song is also featured on the in-game radio station Radio New Vegas.